Thursday, August 07, 2008

Open Letter to "Dad"

You make me so mad.
There's nothing left to hurt.
They don't exist for you anymore.
You will be alone when you die.
That's sad.
I used to care.
I used to mind not having a "father".
It's the same thing again.
I tried.
I gave.
I believed.
I trusted.
Never again.
I'm done.
You suck.
Good luck in your old age.
Your doctors said you were going to die.
They told you to change your ways.
You never have.
You think you're right.
You always think you're right.
You are wrong.
You never knew what it meant,
to be family.
You always said that family was what mattered most.
Maybe what you really meant to say was...
"Family, I matter most."
Never again, never again.
I'm done giving you chances.
Done hoping you will change.
Done thinking you will ever be the dad I always wanted you to be.
It won't matter if you read this.
It won't matter if you know.
It has never mattered how anyone else feels.
It only matters that you think you're right.
I can't stand that I have wasted all this time.
Trying to build something that was never there.
Like bricks of dust built on a puddle.
It was never real.
You hid your deceit and selfishness,
behind your humor and your smile.
I tried to make believe with you,
but couldn't get past the lies.
You'd say one thing and do another.
Sure that we would not be alarmed.
That just like every other time,
we'd welcome you with open arms.
How many times have you cried on your knees?
"Forgive! I promise I will change."
How many times do you think I'll fall, for the
same fucked up little games?
You're quite the schemer and salesman.
Plastic smile, fake put on, airs.
I see right through your bullshit,
I've found nothing of substance there.
You're a sad, pathetic man.
Doomed to be alone.
No one to take care of you.
Stuck there in your home.
You could have redeemed yourself.
Could've made a difference for once in your life.
You could've proven you had changed.
Instead you blame your wife.
I hurt for my sister.
The little girl who needed dad.
She always wanted love from you.
I guess you can't give what you don't have.
You never really got it.
Never really understood.
What it meant to be a father.
Wasn't ready for parenthood.
So take your lies, take your shit.
Your arrogant ignorance.
Take all the talk and worthless words.....and.....


Capn Dyke said...

Well Held, Me Artiste, Well Held indeed. It be almost impossible for most t'be doin' what ye just found th'Courage t'say. Th' Cap'n bows deeply t'ye.

Margo Moon said...

I'm glad you got this out, Frannie. Just look how much room you made for sweeter thoughts.