Monday, August 25, 2008

....and just like that, a window once open so freely, was slammed shut. She felt the wind go out of her. An innocence she cherished was suddenly lost. Love once shared, now locked away inside. Hidden from the hatred that jealousy caused.

She felt broken inside, ashamed. Things would never, could never be the same again. It came so easily and slipped as easily away, in fear.

"This love not of this world, was never meant to be shared."

---Skyler Blue

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Well well well.....

So, ya'll have been really nice about this writing thing. I've been tapping away at my laptop for a while now. Getting my thoughts in order. I will try and post something in a little while maybe. For some reason though, I can't stop editing. I'm soo picky!! lol...

My mind keeps wandering off to other things to write. It's crazy. So, if you guys have any hints or tips about how to stay FOCUSED??? Please send em my way!! I have too many ideas!!

Thanks so much you guys for all the encouragment. I really hadn't expected all that. lol

Thursday, August 14, 2008


There's an ache that permeates my soul.
Waking or sleeping, the ache remains.
An ache of longing, of love, of destruction.....
I ache.
---Khrystian Meadows---

My girls are talking to me again! I'm excited!!

Monday, August 11, 2008

Total Wordle Fun...

Thanks Lori!

Best Friends and Sunshine....

So, Friday we got the chance to go up to Jupiter Farms on Friday. I have to say I was soo looking forward to it. I haven't seen my best friend in just about a year. She only lives about 45 minutes away, but schedules and kids sometimes don't work out.

I was feeling excited and not thinking about the negativity that I had been dealing with. The pup was looking forward to swimming and running on Aunt Tam's land.....

We pulled up to the house and there she was, my buddy so happy to see us. I didn't even know what to do with myself. One hug and all was right with the world again. We talk on the phone 5-6 times a week? We always have something to say to each other. Sometimes it doesn't even require words. I love that I have a friend like that. I love that she loves my love. Her and Trink get along so well. We had so much fun with the kids and dogs. We just got a chance to relax and forget about the world for a while. A day just to reconnect with each other and smile.

Sure, it stormed just as we were leaving. But it couldn't put a damper on the laughter or the joy we got from seeing each other. Yea traffic was a killer on the way home. But, I had this little ball of sunshine inside that kept away all that icky stuff. It's amazing to me how that happens.

I love my girls so much. I am a lucky woman.

My Trink was off for the whole week and today she went back to work. I miss her already. I miss my Tam too..... I think it's time to just make an effort to get up there once a month ya know? We need that. WE really do. I don't want to miss any more Ash N Jess time either. They are gettin so big!

So, what you should take from this story is this, cherish your friends and the joy they bring to your life. It doesn't matter if you see them once a year or everyday. Tell them you love them and how much they mean to your life.

I know my life is so enriched by this lifelong friendship. Thanks..... I don't know what i'd do without Trink and you!


Thursday, August 07, 2008

Open Letter to "Dad"

You make me so mad.
There's nothing left to hurt.
They don't exist for you anymore.
You will be alone when you die.
That's sad.
I used to care.
I used to mind not having a "father".
It's the same thing again.
I tried.
I gave.
I believed.
I trusted.
Never again.
I'm done.
You suck.
Good luck in your old age.
Your doctors said you were going to die.
They told you to change your ways.
You never have.
You think you're right.
You always think you're right.
You are wrong.
You never knew what it meant,
to be family.
You always said that family was what mattered most.
Maybe what you really meant to say was...
"Family, I matter most."
Never again, never again.
I'm done giving you chances.
Done hoping you will change.
Done thinking you will ever be the dad I always wanted you to be.
It won't matter if you read this.
It won't matter if you know.
It has never mattered how anyone else feels.
It only matters that you think you're right.
I can't stand that I have wasted all this time.
Trying to build something that was never there.
Like bricks of dust built on a puddle.
It was never real.
You hid your deceit and selfishness,
behind your humor and your smile.
I tried to make believe with you,
but couldn't get past the lies.
You'd say one thing and do another.
Sure that we would not be alarmed.
That just like every other time,
we'd welcome you with open arms.
How many times have you cried on your knees?
"Forgive! I promise I will change."
How many times do you think I'll fall, for the
same fucked up little games?
You're quite the schemer and salesman.
Plastic smile, fake put on, airs.
I see right through your bullshit,
I've found nothing of substance there.
You're a sad, pathetic man.
Doomed to be alone.
No one to take care of you.
Stuck there in your home.
You could have redeemed yourself.
Could've made a difference for once in your life.
You could've proven you had changed.
Instead you blame your wife.
I hurt for my sister.
The little girl who needed dad.
She always wanted love from you.
I guess you can't give what you don't have.
You never really got it.
Never really understood.
What it meant to be a father.
Wasn't ready for parenthood.
So take your lies, take your shit.
Your arrogant ignorance.
Take all the talk and worthless words.....and.....